


Off the Grid

by toolateabuckyshort



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hydra (Marvel), Marvel Comics - Freeform, Marvel Universe, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:39:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toolateabuckyshort/pseuds/toolateabuckyshort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Picking up right where Captain America: The Winter Soldier left off, with The Winter Soldier saving Steve's life. He must rediscover himself after his programming has been broken down and the only way he can do that is finding the only man who has ever been honest for him all along: Steve Rogers. What will he do when the Avengers are called into action when a HYDRA base is found in Europe?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I _knew_ him.

I knew _him._

_I knew him._

The Soldier couldn't get those words out of his head. That blond hair and those blue eyes... Something about them seemed... Familiar? Did he imagine that scene in his head or was that real? He wasn't threatening despite the battles they've had. The man helped pull him from the wreckage then ceased to defend himself.

_I'm with you till the end of the line._

Who was this guy?

The Soldier marched towards civilization knowing he needed to assimilate soon to keep his cover as just another ordinary civilian. He didn't want to go back underground.

He didn't want to ever go underground ever again.

His bionic arm was just screaming for unwanted attention and the red star was starting to feel more like a target. The Soldier's blood boiled when he remembered the simple red star HYDRA ingrained into his arm, a sign, a symbol, a brand for where he belonged.

He felt a strange sense of... Well he wasn't sure but the thought of "belonging" somewhere at this point didn't seem right. Nothing seemed right.

He ducked under some low branches and a jolt of pain surged through his right arm. He had nearly forgotten about his dislocated shoulder, he was focused on getting himself and Captain Steve Rogers out of the water that it hadn't given him much trouble. Then again most minor injuries like that don't give him much trouble, he merely needed to pop it back into place and it should completely heal itself within the hour.

Once he neared the city lines, he quickly devised a plan to become less conspicuous. He removed his leather jacket before carefully rotating his long sleeved compression shirt underneath so the one remaining sleeve concealed his metal arm to the best of its ability since there was still the issue of his metallic fingers peeking out from his fingerless gloves. It'll work for now, lower the number of heads turning as he walked down the street. He slung his leather jacket back on before crossing into the sight of the public with his hands deep in his pockets and head down.

Being out in public and not being assigned to destruction and assassination was not a feeling he was accommodated to. The chains of his former command still weighed heavy on his mind as he tried to think of the next proper course of action.

Mission: blend into society.

Phase one: seize civilian clothing.

Phase two: find place to bunker down.

Phase three: find place to refuel.

Simple enough; weather was favorable, tons of vacant buildings (not like that would ever stop him) and the population was dense enough he would be able to slip through streets with little attention drawn to him.

He wouldn't be able to stay long, both SHIELD and HYDRA would be crawling everywhere hunting for him. Then again, staying here wouldn't make any sense at all because they would suspect he would run. The Soldier had a secondary mission in mind after he established himself here: to find out who the hell "Bucky James Buchanan Barnes" is.

He didn't have to walk very far to begin seeing the red, white and blue shield everywhere. The Man's face was plastered around town. Had it always been this way? Curiosity got the best of him while he followed it down to the Smithsonian only to find there was an entire Captain America exhibit.

He caught sight of himself through the reflection of the glass doors. Shoulder length dark hair, tattered clothing, minor cuts and hair dripping wet still from the river. He never really looked himself before, there was no real reason for him to. When he was awake the doctors would tend to him, agents provided his gear and uniform that he’s been so accustomed to and when he wasn’t on a mission he would be prepped and frozen again.

Flashes of past freezing and prepping haunted the Soldier’s thoughts. Beeping machines. Sparks flying from his arm. Poking. Prodding. Punching. Shocking.

Lost in reflection in and of himself, he stood outside the door long enough to make the workers inside suspicious of him. Security guards began shifting a little uneasy as the employees whispered towards them.

The electro therapy. The abuse. The restraints.

This was too much. The images filled his mind and blocked out all his other senses. His breath became erratic as he gripped his head trying to take the images out of his brain.

_You are to be the new fist of HYRDA._

_Prep him._

_Remember your training, Soldier!_

_Restrain him!_

_You are shaping the world._

_Wipe him._

_A mouth guard forced between his teeth._

_Whirling._

_Charging._

_The metal cage closing in over his head..._

He let out a scream as he crumbled to his knees causing the sea of people around him to freeze and coward away from him. All voices, all cars, all thoughts seemed to cease for a moment. The madness stopped.

He collected himself quickly once he became aware he was drawing too much attention towards himself and marched away from The Man's face in the building.

No. No time for that. That would have to wait until he’s more established. Cover first then observation and research.

The Soldier worried about the tracker that placed in him. He was positive that if Captain Rogers and his crew managed to get the ships to blow themselves up then HYDRA had been exposed so no one should be looking for him unless one of the weaker agents informed them of his tracking device. Either way, the tracker had to go.

One of the few things he knew for sure was the routine after he was taken out of his cryofreeze. First, they started with the thawing procedure, slowly raising his body heat back up to normal without bringing shock or trauma to the tissue. Second, check his vitals and reflexes while his muscles tried regaining strength. Third, the doctors would have him perform little exercises and ask basic questions to make sure nothing was lost during his last freeze. Fourth, he was escorted to the computer room where the technology was ever changing but the chair remained the basic setup. There is where he would sit while his arm was tended to and updated among other things.

This is also when they would implant a new tracker in him. Early on they discovered placing one in his left arm sometimes the two technologies would collide and interfere with one another’s signals and commands. Every time he was woken up the technology was different so it just made more sense to scientists to insert a new one into his right forearm and remove it before freezing for the next doctor and mission.

It was never buried too deep under skin because this could cause the body to develop scar tissue around it, making it harder to remove or it getting infected and rejected altogether. He needed to find a way to sanitize his arm and knife before extraction, it would be a minor enough wound that it would heal within a few hours at the most.

A public restroom would suffice but he needed to be selective about which to use. It couldn’t be of a place with high volume of people passing through because that also runs the risk of less sanitary conditions, not that it would really affect him much. His immune system was superior to the average man’s, but if he had the luxury of not having to deal with as much people then he wanted to go with that option.

The Soldier observed his surroundings. Businesses and apartments were out of the question. Restaurants would probably ask for a purchase first and that would require talking to someone. Smaller food spaces had too much traffic and not enough hygiene. A small coffee shop/cafe on the corner looked promising. There was a small crowd but everyone was in line and minding their own business.

He pulled the glass door open and felt the cool coffee scented air blow into his face. No one even turned to face him, they were all focused on the boards above the registers to see what they wanted to order. Some were loudly chatting about government secrets being leaked onto the internet, the Soldier made a mental note about that. He quickly glanced around the store to find the restrooms as he continued to walk as if he knew exactly where he was supposed to be going.

Single rooms for each gender, perfect.

He entered the mens room and locked the door swiftly behind him before heading over to the sink. He yanked a knife from his boot and began rinsing it under the warm water before lathering it in soap. After balancing the knife on its handle so the blade hovered over the sink while it dried, he removed his leather jacket and began cleaning his right forearm that was already exposed from the missing sleeve.

Times like these he wished he had two fleshy arms instead of one, it would help being able to feel where exactly the injected tracer was. He pulled his arm up closer to the light and examined it for a shadow or a small puncture mark from where they repeatedly placed and removed the small chip.

After some close inspection he noticed a just a slightly darker pigmented area of skin on the inner side of his right forearm near his elbow. That must be it. He picked up the small knife in his left hand, held his right arm over the sink incase of any drippage and lightly dug it across the small area. He placed the knife back on the sink balancing it blade side hanging off the rim and flicking the water on to help clear away some of the blood beginning to surface.

It stung a little but once it was clear, he pulled his arm up closer to the light to both elevate it for less blood flow and to find the chip. There appeared to be a small dark spec just below the skin that he could pull out. The knife he was currently using was a little large for the job so he reached into his pocket to find a smaller one with a thinner blade.

He needed to make this fast, he was already past the normal length of time he should be in there but so far no one’s knocked. Carefully, he tried to squeeze the surrounding area to help dislodge it from its current place to make it easier to pull out. It helped a little but he needed to take the small knife and make another small incision to be able to pull it out. Tweezers weren’t exactly something The Winter Soldier normally carried although he was starting to think it should be.

Just one more little squeeze after the secondary incision sent the tiny chip to the surface of his skin with a bit of blood to which the Soldier just ran his wound under the water a bit after he removed the chip. He held it up to examine it a little further before crushing it between his fingers and flushing it down the toilet along with some of the bloody paper towels so there were no traces left of him in the bathroom. A dry paper towel was placed over his clotting cut before the Soldier put his jacket back on to cover the wound to help keep the blood from running down his hand.

He was officially off the grid.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

He needed less conspicuous clothing because he was getting quite a few heads turning due to his slightly menacing current outfit. While walking he observed what most people were wearing casually outside. Denim mostly. Shoes: mostly casual, not properly fit for combat or athletic situations. Weather didn't require jackets but it was cool enough that most girls and some guys could wear some light open sweaters of sorts. He would have to opt for that.

Being released (or having escaped) into society after not being in it for nearly seventy years was an odd thing. Clothing itself was very different from what he was used to seeing. He would only catch glimpses of normal attire throughout his defrosting and the missions but he was mostly after higher ranked uniformed soldiers, government agents or politicians as it was so their fashion hasn’t aged much over the years. Women were wearing pants and shorter skirts, men didn’t dress up like they used to and everything seemed shorter and tighter.

His long hair would be ignored by the public so that wasn’t high priority to fix. He would eventually need a shave but that could be shelved for a later time. Maybe a whole glove would benefit him as well so he wouldn’t have to keep his strong hand in his pocket all the time, that was one less immediate defense he had against possible threats hunting for him.

Who knew who could possibly be hunting him with the rumor of government secrets being posting to the internet for the public to see, anyone paying attention might be able to recognize him or be after him. At this point he wasn’t even sure who all could possibly want to be after him, from what he remembers, he killed anyone who would’ve wanted him dead before most of them had even heard of the Winter Soldier.

He wandered towards anything that looked crowded for cover and these places were most likely to draw tourists and shoppers. He noticed when he would be surrounded by more shopping bags and when the number of bags started to plummet, he would turn back around until he found a shop not filled with only dresses and women mannequins. Some of those mannequins were nearly lifelike, some of them were so far off it was slightly disturbing. Similar to some he used to practice with back in HYDRA quarters.

Eventually he found a shop that didn’t only have dresses on their displays so he made his way into that shop. Out of habit he quietly entered the store so the employees didn’t notice him while they were working on changing a wall of hats and walked over to the section that had mens clothing. He would need a whole new wardrobe and he had no idea where to start.

A table covered in folded pants was at the forefront of the section so he looked over them before picking up a pair for inspection. There was a rather large piece of plastic attached to the leg of the pants. Bucky’s eyebrows crumbled in confusion. Why the hell would they put that there?

“Yeah, those sensors aren’t exactly located in the best place for people who want to actually try on the pants.” A female sales associate smiled as she made her way over to Bucky. “Were you wanting to try them on? I could remove that for you if you needed.”

Bucky looked back at the jeans in his hands in an effort to find a size, not that it mattered much to him since he didn’t even know what size fits anymore. He was always just given clothes.

“Did you need help finding a size? I know they’re a bit skinny so guys have a tendency to get nervous about what they should pick out here.” The lady smiled again as she reached over to pull out two pairs of jeans. “How about we start with these two? They look about your size.”

She took the jeans to the counter and placed the plastic sensor in a machine that seemed to just pry the two pieces apart. That should be no problem if all the other sensors worked that way. He glanced over to the doors and noticed two tall plastic poles along each side of the doorway, most likely these would draw a lot of attention to anyone with a sensor still on merchandise. His metallic prosthetic arm could easily remove these, the only real problem was where would he hide these clothes? Maybe he should just never return to this store, better not become a creature of habit anyway. That gets you killed or captured.

“Alright you can follow me this way!” She smiled as she lead the way to the fitting room. “Lemme know if you need any help with anything.”

The Soldier entered the small oddly lit room and she handed him his jeans before she closed the door behind him. He turned and found a long mirror in front of him along with a small bench to place his clothes. He sat on the bench and began to undo his boots; this would be a very tedious thing, trying on clothes, or at least until he had a bit more of a "regular" wardrobe. Once he finally got his boots off, he removed his pants and checked for a size to save time on trying on one of the jeans.

Luckily the woman had a nice eye for size because one of the jeans matched his current combat pants size. He slipped them on to find she was right, these were considerably slimmer than anything he had been used to. How would he move in this? Would he be able to run?

He tried doing some squats in them. Knees seemed a little tight but this denim would loosen up. He lifted his leg so his foot would rest on the bench. They seemed flexible enough for civilian clothing. Anything else would stand out.

At this rate the girl and the whole store knew he was here. In any other given circumstance he could either just take all he wanted and run or kill everyone, neither option was fit now considering he wanted to stay in DC. He would have to just come back later or blindly take clothing later from another store, using this one solely to find what he would be hunting for.

While in the fitting room, he listened to conversations out in the store. He tried to take notice of normal conversation of civilians. It was a lot more carefree and full of slangs and slurs. People would expect him to be a little more open to talking here. It’s not like he wasn’t capable of speaking to people, he just needed to know how to casually do it. He was used to giving orders, responding to orders and giving mission reports, not talking about the weather and current affairs. Assimilating shouldn’t be too difficult.

_Knock knock!_

“How are those working out? Do they fit?” the girl’s voice chirped up from behind the door.

“Yes,” he replied as he glanced at himself in the mirror. They were a little strange.

“Did you want to try some shirts with it? I picked a few out that might go well with them.”

He opened the door to find her slightly startled by the swinging door but she quickly recovered and her eyes dilated slightly. She was either threatened or attracted to him.

“Those look nice! You don’t seem to be a graphic shirt type so I grabbed some plain shirts and some plaid ones.” She explained as she handed over four hangers. “Let me know if you need another size, I kind of just guessed.”

He took them without a word and returned back to the room. He unstrapped his bulletproof attire and placed it on the bench before looking over the shirts. Medium and larges. He grabbed a medium navy t shirt first and eased his left arm into it before pulling the rest of it over his torso. It was a tad tight over his shoulders but it loosely fell over his stomach and waist. Loose enough to move but tight enough that it wouldn’t run the risk of snagging on something if he was in a tight pinch. Shirts he had to pull over himself weren’t always ideal due to the fact there was a small line where his metal prosthetic met flesh. He grabbed one of the long sleeved “plaid” shirts and thankfully these were button downs, he could just sling it over his shoulders and it would cover his cybernetic limb.

There was a slight problem with this current outfit, the jeans looked a little odd with his hands protruding from the pockets. He would need a jacket and he still needed a full glove. He was aware that he was in an age where people and soldiers had fake limbs all the time but his was a lot more advanced and would draw more attention than he would prefer.

“How’s it going in there?” the worker asked through the door.

He opened the door once more to her, she was a little more expectant this time to the door opening before his mouth. She immediately smiled at him and her pupils dilated once more.

“That looks really good! How do you feel in it?” She nearly squeaked. Voice tone indicates she’s genuinely excited.

“Would you happen to have a jacket or something to go over this with pockets?” The Soldier asked with his left hand still stuck in his pocket.

She let out a small laugh, “Yeah, I’m sure if you put your phone or wallet in those you could see them from a mile away. Umm how about this?” She took a few steps towards the side of the fitting room and came back with a denim jacket in hand.

He took it with his right arm and quickly shoved his left arm into it strategically aiming his hand for the pocket as he slipped the other side on. Her smile widened as she put her thumbs up.

“Turn around and tell me what you think!”

He turned and saw a man he didn’t recognize. This was a good sign but it was bizarre looking at himself now. He looked like such an ordinary man but he was barely a man. He was a monster. A machine. A weapon. An asset.

“Do you want me to go ahead and hold some of this stuff at the counter for you?” She asked hopefully.

He needed money. He probably could acquire some since she helped him out. He could just walk out with them and not care but he wanted to change from his HYDRA ways. They lied to him for so long.

“Yeah, let me change back into my old clothes then I’ll go get some money.” He said while retreating back into the tiny room to devise how exactly he would go about that.

Drink and vending machines always have change, but that would be just change. He glanced at a price tag and quickly calculated that he would probably need at least two hundred dollars for a new quick wardrobe.

His current outfit was such a hassle to change in and out of in social settings. He began to wonder if there was also a tracker embedded in his clothing? He needed to work fast and dispose of these as soon as he could.

He exited the room with the clothes he wanted nicely folded in hand much to the attendant’s surprise.

“Is there a place I can get some money around here?” He asked as he looked around outside the glass wall.

“Well there’s an ATM just around the corner to the right.” she said while taking the stack from him. “I want to say that one is really nice because since it’s around a lot of shops it’ll allow you to take more cash out. I’ll warn you it’s kind of around a slightly sketchy area, it’s pretty beat up so watch out.”

“Thanks.” he said before heading towards the door and taking a right.

That was perfect, the public expected this machine to be robbed and people wouldn’t pay much attention to it. The strength in his left arm should be able to open up whatever it’s in and get what he needed. Things he needed to keep in mind: head down, walk like he belongs there and keep in mind people approaching in his peripheral vision.

Now to find this ATM machine, what would that look like? Luckily the city took away a lot of the guessing room for him, in the wall there was a little nook where a little machine was that was labeled “ATM” in large letters with a guy in his forties already using it. The man inserted a card into a slot, pushed his combination, selected an option on the screen and the machine whirled before dispensing some cash below. He gathered up his money along with a receipt and was on his way.

The Soldier saw the bottom half of the machine was held together by a flat piece of metal screwed on with hinges on the side meaning it opened from the front. This is where he could access the cash inside.

“Use it or move it, asshole!” A man called behind him.

The Soldier hadn’t even been standing there twenty seconds and the man had been there less time than that before this man decided to yell at him. The Soldier stepped aside and let the man go.

“Damn tourists.” The man mumbled under his breath as he started taking out his wallet.

No one was in the street, or no one that was paying attention.

The man continued to mumble to himself, “Just put your damn card in the slot, is that so hard? Stupid.”

There were still some people driving by so he couldn’t make a scene but he had to be quick and quiet so he wouldn’t cause a scene. He needed to just go for the man’s pressure point on his neck and make it look as if he fainted, he needed the man to punch in his code first.

_Beep beep beep beep!_

Bucky’s right arm shot up and quickly squeezed the side of the man’s neck, causing him to freeze before his knees buckled. The Soldier caught him and kept him upright as he looked at the screen. He pressed ‘withdraw’ and it gave him some high dollar options, nice catch. Since the man was rude, he selected the highest amount and the machine began whirling as it began dispensing his desired amount of cash into the slot below. He pocketed the cash with his left hand and slowly lowered the man with his right before he went on his way back to the shop.

“That didn’t take too long!” The girl smiled as she spotted him making his way back in.

He tried to give a small smile back but it felt wrong so he stopped.

“So you just wanted one pair of pants, one t shirt and one plaid shirt?” She asked as she brought them to the register from the back of the counter. “Sure you don’t want shoes to go with that? Those boots don’t go with this outfit.

He glanced down at his bulky combat ready boots specifically designed for him and realized she was right.

“What are my options?” He asked. “I need something with traction.”

“Well I have just the thing for you! Follow me back here.” She said as she made her way out from the register and to the back of the store where the wall was lined with shoes. “These are actually skating shoes but they’re made with a lot of traction to stay on boards easier. They’re supposed to be kind of snug so they should be able to stay on and withstand whatever you have in mind.”

Bucky nodded, “I’ll take any pair you have in black.”

“Sounds good, I’ll need your shoe size though.” She looked at him expectantly.

“Well,” he looked down at his boots and didn’t know what size to say.

“Let me guess, you wear European shoes or something all the time and forgot your American size?” She laughed. “You look kind of foreign. Here, take off your shoe, we can measure your foot over here.”

She pulled out a weird metal thing and placed it on the floor as he began undoing his shoes.

“Those look like such a pain.” She said as she leaned against one of the walls. “If you find a pair you like, you can wear them out. You’ll probably need new socks too.”

“That’s fine.” He said once he finally got off one of his boots.

“Place your foot here, heel all the way to the back, yeah like that. Alright looks like you’re an eleven. I’ll be right back.” She said while she disappeared into a small hallway. She returned within a minute with two boxes in hand. “Brought another size just in case, let me grab you some different socks.”

He waited patiently as she searched through some drawers before finding what she needed. She returned with two thin pieces of fabric in hand.

“I know they’re not as thick as real socks but they’re less bulky than the huge socks you have on right now. They might be great for those hulking boots but not so much normal shoes.” She laughed.

He slipped one of the shoes on and it felt strange to him. He tried to slide his foot along the floor to test the traction, it would do. It seemed tight enough that it wouldn’t fall off if he were running. Decent arch support. He wouldn’t be able to hide a knife in these.

“They look good! Feel free to try on the other and walk around to make sure they’re good.” She encouraged him as she made her way to the front of the store to help some new customers who just walked in.

These would have to do. More people were starting to come in, more people that could potentially be after him, he needed to move. He placed the other shoe on and grabbed a pair of socks before heading to the register with the shoe box and boots in hand. The girl noticed him heading towards the counter and began making her way back to the register to gather his clothes.

“I’ll take these.” He said while placing the box on the counter along with a pair of socks. “I’ll also take another two shirts in black.”

She smiled, “Alright, just a moment. Just t shirts or the over shirts or one of each?”

“One of each.” He said while reaching into his pocket to count out an unsuspicious amount of cash. The entire wad would draw too much attention.

“I feel like I was just a part of a renovation.” The girl said as she returned with more clothing. “I’ve run out of big bags so I’ll have to separate this into a few medium ones, is that ok?”

Shopping bags were a waste. They weren’t the ideal carrying shape nor had the durability to be used for long periods of time. The backpacks overhead on the other hand…

“Just put it in one of those.” The Soldier ordered as he laid out a couple of stacks of twenties out on the counter.

Thankfully in a city full of travelers, using this much cash at once seemed to be normal because she didn’t even bat an eye.

“Did you want to wear any of this out by chance?” She asked while grabbing one of the backpacks down.

“Yes.” The Soldier seized some of the clothing before walking over to a fitting room.

He heard a faint “oh” and a small crash along with the sound of her rushing footsteps to let him in. The clothes he was currently changing out of would immediately go in the next trashcan he could find. He was slightly reluctant about letting go of the most protective and efficient clothes he would ever own but he wasn’t sure if there was a tracker or not embedded in them. When in doubt, destroy and discard it.

The Soldier inspected himself in the mirror and concluded the civilian clothes definitely helped. He still needed a glove but this was a lot less dramatic outfit to look for it in. When he opened the door to the fitting room, the girl was already waiting with his backpack and a smile for him.

“I put your change and the receipt in the small pocket. Have a nice day!” She said with a little wave.

The Soldier nodded to her as he slung the bag over his right shoulder and headed out the door as just another face in the crowd.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Clothing was complete along with a backpack to hold his stuff and now he was on to the next course of action. He had quite a bit of leftover money and figured he should buy some civilian supplies. He didn’t even have paper to make a list of the things he needed. Finding a place would have to wait until he was fully equipped.

With no destination in mind, the Soldier allowed his feet to take him where they wished. Little did he know that his feet knew what they were doing, his head was down most of the time avoiding eye contacts just hoping not to be recognized so he didn’t realize where the Soldier in him brought him. It was _the_ bank.

Why the hell did his subconscious want him here? By this point in time, the place should be gutted out, right?

Curiosity got the best of him even though a small part of him thought it was a bad idea, he marched in.

Empty.

The room that once held so much meaning and memories was empty. Not a person in sight. There were a few dried pools of blood, the evidence of some resistance to this seizure of space but obviously their efforts were in vain. All power had been cut to the equipment left remaining in the room aside from the lights that seemed to be lit by just a backup generator since not all of them were lit.

He looked up into the corner of the room to see the cameras had been taken out, hanging by a few wires from the wall if at all still attached. Was that a move on HYDRA’s end to prevent SHIELD from seeing what was happening in this room or was it SHIELD who destroyed the only way to see into the room without entering to prompt more HYDRA agents to come into an ambush? Or perhaps HYDRA decided to clean this place out themselves once they realized anyone who worked here was now compromised since the fall of the helicarriers and leak of secrets?

The Soldier was now painfully aware that HYDRA wasn’t a solo based branch, it was a worldwide corporation. This wasn’t his first place to be stationed as the Winter Soldier. He wasn’t sure how he knew that but he just knew. The Soldier part of him must remember things as well that were wiped.

His right hand began to shake and his gut was telling him to run. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong with this bank. He tried not to dwell on the single chair in the middle of the room as he ran from the building. Maybe he knew deep down the place was a trap? Maybe he could feel another unwelcome memory coming on? He wasn’t quite sure why he needed to leave but he knew there would be answers there. Now just wasn’t the time.

He needed a break from himself. Enough searching for answers today. He needed to become a civilian today. That was the plan. No hunting for answers until then.

His heart was still racing as he walked through the streets trying to find a place to get more civilian supplies. Gas stations had too much monitoring that could be used and tracked to hunt him down. He needed a bigger store where he could blend more.

It’s been a few hours, how the hell did that happen? How has he been walking that long? Where was his head? He needed to find a store. It was a lot easier to come by than he lead himself to believe earlier, he just needed to focus.

Now, what did he need? He wandered down to the toiletry section of the store and hoped his mental list held up in his head.

Toothbrush: check.

Tooth paste: check.

Deodorant: check.

Shaving cream: check.

Razor: check.

Was that all? That was all he could think of for now. He circled the store to see if anything else stood out to him. He found a sleeping bag but it was too bulky so he settled for just a small blanket for now since it would fit better in his bag and not weigh him down. Thankfully in that same section they had a glass case filled with some knives and some guns but he would need an ID in order to purchase them so he would have to return later for them.

There was so much food here. He gazed at the prices and flipped through the bills he had in his pocket in order to properly ration his money he had at the moment. His options were limited due to the fact he had no where to cook most of these choices. What the hell was a microwave anyway and why did civilians have access to such thing to cook their food?

A ‘self checkout’ section was slightly crowded but the lines were moving fast so he chose to stand with those people. It allowed him to observe them using it although it seemed to explain itself to everyone using it despite their level of expertise at it. This was truly a Godsend.

The hunt for a vacant apartment or building would have to be put on hold tonight. He didn’t have the proper equipment to determine if people were really just asleep or if it was empty and he really didn’t feel like taking a family out just for a place to stay this time of night. He really shouldn’t have that mindset anymore anyway so tonight he would just camp on the streets somewhere.

It seemed to be quite the idea because there weren’t too many open alleys that weren’t being preoccupied by either sleeping people or groups of men having secret meetings. Maybe another street would have better luck, the Soldier spotted a relatively clear alleyway between buildings aside from a small group of men hanging out on the corner with a few beers in hand and cigarettes.

He passed through them and heard them immediately begin whispering to each other. Glasses lightly clanged against the concrete as they set them down behind him and light footsteps began to follow him.

One of the men called, “Hey you!”

The Soldier marched on.

“Hey man! We’re talking to you!” Another one of them shouted a little more aggressively.

The Soldier kept his breathing steady, any real threat to him and his safty definitely wouldn’t be calling out to him like that. Not worth his time.

_Clang!_

A rock had been thrown at the Soldier but missed and hit the dumpster next to him, causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

“Turn around!”

The Soldier clenched his left fist in his pocket but didn’t move. Foot steps closed in.

“Hey, we said turn around, asshole!”

His jaw tightened as he slowly turned around to face the small group of men around their mid twenties. He knew the type, kids that always got their way, never knew real discipline, unhappy with their lives so they lived to torment other weaker beings to entertain themselves and make them feel in control of something because god knows what would happen if they actually challenged someone equally matched to themselves. Despicable.

 

_“I could do this all day.”_

_“Hey! Pick on someone your own size!”_

_“Sometimes I think you like getting punched.”_

Flashes of faces in an alley flickered past the Soldier’s eyes and he quickly blinked them away to see the men in front of him.

“You lost, pal?” One of the men smirked.

The Soldier remained silent as they closed in. There were five of them. All of them seemed toned, not tough.

“What’s wrong? Think you’re too tough to talk to us?” One of the other guys sneered.

They were going to try causing trouble, they already set their eyes on their next lonely victim, the only type they seem to aim for. The Soldier turned back around and began walking away when something hard hit the center of his back, but that didn’t stop him. Not a threat, not a problem.

“Hey, asshole!”

_Click!_

That was a sound he was all too familiar with. That click froze him in his tracks while the pack of men surrounded him with snarls for smiles on their faces and their chests puffed out. They were snickering to themselves at their most recent catch.

“Not so brave or tough now, huh?” The one holding the gun, obvious leader, smirked at the Soldier, “Empty your pockets.”

The Soldier didn’t so much as blink. The man’s smirk started to fade a little before he looked over and nodded at one of his henchmen. A hand slapped across the Soldier’s face but he remained unmoved as he glared at the gunman. The group seemed to retreat back about half a step and their faces fell a little.

The gunman nodded to one of the guys, “Get his backpack.”

They ripped the straps from his back and quietly laughed to themselves, they thought they had the upperhand, their defenses were down. He didn’t move. His glare remained fixed on the man with a gun.

The man let out a small chuckle, “Do you not see you’re out manned? First, you ignored us while we were politely asking your attention, then you walked away from us and now you’re refusing to answer to the guy with a gun. Obviously we’re not afraid to use force, but you just don’t know when to give up, do you?”

 

_“You don’t know when to give up, do you?”_

_“I could do this all day.”_

_A scrawny blond boy was cornered with his fists up eyeing a much larger man in front of him. Steve? A rage bubbled inside of Bucky and he immediately marched to his rescue._

 

Another slap woke him from his mind but it didn’t suffocate the rage that filled the Soldier. His left arm seized the hand that crossed him and immediately crushed down on the bones, leaving them broken and the man wailing in pain as he crumbled to his knees. The Soldier swiftly kicked him in the face and used the momentum of the kick landing to punch the next guy square in the jaw. The man stumbled back, bringing down one of the other men with him.

_Ping! Ping!_

“Ow!”

The gunman was now poorly attempting to shoot the Soldier as he took down his men but only shot the dumpster causing the bullets to ricochet and injure one of his own. The man knocked down picked himself up just to have the Soldier grab him and toss him at his armed friend, both fall and the gun skipped across the pavement like pebbles on a pond.

The Soldier calmly strolled over and picked it up. The men were now scurrying to get up when the Soldier turned around and they froze once the gun was aimed in their direction. Gunshots would draw unwanted attention to this area, which was something the Soldier wanted to avoid. They had seen his face so he wanted to kill them but if they had known who he was, they wouldn’t have tried a poor attempt to rob one of the world’s best assassins.

“Empty your pockets.” The Soldier commanded. “Grab my bag.”

The men collectively hurried for their pockets and emptied them of wallets, phones and a few condoms while one of the men threw his bag to him. The Soldier rifled through their things only grabbing their cash before pocketing the gun, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and walking away with only the sound of faint cries of pain and muttered insults behind him.

He needed to learn to control his outbursts if he wanted to blend in but how was he to do that when a life he previously had is constantly at odds with the one he currently was in?

How was one supposed to forget all those hours of training? All those procedures? All the intense sessions of turning his brain as close to mush as humanly possible without him becoming a complete vegetable? Did Captain Rogers have to go through this as well?

His brain kept making him remember. Maybe these outbursts could be controlled if he noticed when they were coming and he could make himself remember that whatever was going through his head was no longer happening to him. He needed a journal to document all these flashbacks, eventually all these flashes would be able to tell him a clear story of what happened to him. Writing about these things also might make his head seem less foggy.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_White blinding lights. He was looking up at the ceiling. His body felt heavy. His left side was aching._

_"I have seen him in action. Captain America is not a force to reckoned with... Unless you are properly prepared."_

_“Are we even positive the procedure will be successful? Many men have died already.”_

_Who was that? He didn’t know one of those voices, the other was familiar but he couldn’t place it. As if on cue, the Soldier’s left arm instinctively grabbed a man’s neck._

_"The procedure has already started.” A man in glasses smiled at down at him as he injects something into the Soldier’s leg, “You are to be the new fist of HYDRA."_

_His vision immediately began to fade along with his strength. The metal arm dropped and the voices seemed to be moving farther away from him._

_"Doctor, shouldn't we be worried about his aggression?"_

_"No, we need not to fear for we will teach him we're the ones to be feared. They should be the ones worried, the Americans."_

Sleep seemed to be an impossible thing outside of his cryofreeze. Every night it seemed new images haunted him and he was beginning to think all those electro therapy sessions to wipe his brain weren’t completely successful. These didn’t feel like dreams; they hurt, they made him feel, they were memories.

Memories that would wake him in a panic and cold sweat night after night after night. He almost wished he didn’t remember. He wished he just didn’t dream at all.

Maybe remembering wouldn’t be so bad if he could remember who he was before Zola but that seems to be the only thing resurfacing from his mind. He could still sense a familiarity from Captain Rogers so there was something left in there, it was just locked down tight. Who knew if Rogers was even telling the complete truth about that? He’s been lied to for as long as he can remember and it was all proclaimed to be right, true and for the good of the people. Could he really blame his brain for blocking it off from the rest of his mind? Maybe that was the only way to protect those thoughts. Maybe one day they’ll come back to him.

Would it really be worth it though?

Was that life really worth remembering? He had to hope it was, because that’s all he had.

The money he took from the men who tried to jump him definitely came in handy since he spent a good piece of the money he stole from the ATM man on basic supplies. He must have caught them after they had been at it for a while since it was quite a sum of money that would last him for a little longer before he would have to restore to stealing merchandise and food.

First things first, writing this most recent dream and anything else he could remember. There were tons of shops in the area but he needed to find something fast while it was all fresh in his mind, every detail was significant and the longer he waited, the more could possible fade away. He swiftly picked himself up off the street he’s been occupying and began to wander until he could find something to fill his need. A flutter of napkins flew past him on the street, he looked up to find the source was a coffee shop on the corner.

Perfect.

He made his way over to the shop and was welcomed with a wave of cool coffee scented air. Social conduct would require him to order something in exchange for taking up some space and using resources. Fair enough, he needed to refuel anyway. He patiently waited in the small line and looked at some of the food displayed behind some glass. Another strange thing about being released into the public again was the food, everything looked so good and was considerably better than the MRE’s HYDRA provided him with.

“I can help whoever is next!” a young lady rose her hand in the air behind the counter.

He approached her and she smiled at him with slightly dilated pupils, “What can I get you?”

He looked up at the menu with his mouth slightly open ready to order but unsure of what exactly. “Can I get a coffee and some breakfast?”

“What would you like?” She asked, still smiling. It was odd. “We have hot coffee, ice coffee, blended coffee…”

“Just whatever is good.” The Soldier replied.

“Alright,” she smirked as she grabbed a cup and began scribbling on it. “Same goes for breakfast?”

“Yes,” he said while reaching in his pocket for the cash.

“Interesting way to start off your day, I should try that sometime.” She said as she grabbed something from the case and placed it in a small oven. “If you don’t like your drink, I can make you something else. Alright, that’ll be nine-oh-nine.”

He handed her a ten, “Do you have a pen I can borrow?”

“Uh, yeah, just a sec.” she said as she retrieved some coins from the register before pulling a pen from her apron. She handed everything over with a wink, “Just be sure to return it.”

“Thanks.” He muttered while pocketing his change.

_Ding ding ding!_

The girl twirled around to the oven, took out a small sandwich and placed it on a plate before handing it over to the Soldier.

“Here’s your sandwich and your coffee should be done in a minute.” she smiled at him.

He took the plate and headed towards an open table furthest away from people near a window, grabbing some napkins before he sat down. He put the plate on the side of the table and immediately began scribbling down the remnants of his dreams and flashbacks along with what triggered them.

“Are you a writer?” a voice interrupted his train of thought and pulled him from his mind. He looked up to find the girl from the counter smiling down at him. “I was going to call out to you but you looked so concentrated I thought I should just bring your coffee to you.”

“Oh, thank you.” He said as she set it down next to his plate, away from his writing space but she leaned into his personal space to do so.

“So are you a writer?” she repeated.

“No.” He stated. Her smile faltered a little, he was too blunt for acceptable social etiquette. “Just making some notes to myself to help me remember things.”

“Oh I do that all the time! Only I don’t use napkins, I usually just write on myself.” She said while showing off her inner forearm full of neatly printed reminders like “cat food” and “rent money.”

“Do you know where I could get ahold of a computer with internet?” These little notes some how reminded him of the secrets on the internet and how he needed access to a computer.

“Well we have free wifi here if you wanted to just use your phone, the password is COFFEE in all caps.” she giggled. “As far as a computer goes, I think libraries still let people use those but I think you need a card or something.”

That would require personal information from him that he didn’t know and it would put him on the map.

“Thanks.” He said before going back to his napkins.

“No problem,” She smiled as she turned to go back to the counter, glancing back at him as she walked away.

Maybe he wasn’t as menacing as he thought he was, or the civilian clothing was really key to hiding his true identity.

True identity, what a joke.

Focus.

This place had “free wifi” which probably meant internet access. Phones could now access this so all he really needed was a phone. That wouldn’t be a problem, everyone has a phone, he just needed to find a way of stealing one without someone noticed or having to kill or injure someone (not that dire of a situation).

He began eating what the lady brought him as he continued to jot down minor details he would remember and added a few little drawings to help get out what he felt the words weren’t quite getting right. Getting the visual aspects of his dreams proved to be useful because he felt a lot more relaxed and confident being able to stare at them outside of his mind.

He traced and retraced over the words “I’m with you till the end of the line” as he remembered his realization on the crashing helicarrier with Captain Rogers. He made a rough sketch of the skinny Steve that phrase had etched into his mind. _That_ was the Steve his mind seemed to remember best. Why had Captain Roger’s transformation been so drastic? From the minor flash he had of his former self, he didn’t feel like he physically changed much.

That might be answered in the leaked secrets of SHIELD and HYDRA. He needed to get access to those as soon as he could. Thanks to HYDRA, he also has more subtle useful tricks such as the old fashioned pick-pocketing.

He used his peripherals to examine what phones looked like in this time period so he knew what he would be looking for. Women around here generally kept them in their tight pants pockets which could possibly be felt once removed but they also were already halfway hanging out so he might be able to get away with it. They also put them in their bags but that was too risky, bags were too crowded or already zipped shut, it would take too long if he didn’t want to get caught. Men also wore tighter jeans but the phones were more suited for their pockets. He needed to either find someone wearing a sweater with loose pockets or someone with their phone hanging out just enough that he could get away with it.

Maybe the street wasn’t the best place for this when he just had to walk a few blocks to be around iconic tourist attractions where people are so caught up in taking pictures and reading that they never watch their belongings. There was also the problem of these phones all having passcodes on them. They all required either a four digit code or a swipe pattern in order to access them so he would need to attain one that was already unlocked. He could also just look for a specific target, watch for the code and then seize the phone after memorizing the password.

The Soldier made his way down to the closest busiest part of town and began selecting his first target. Teenage girls never let the phones leave their sights and when they did it was only for about ten seconds before they were reaching for it again. More highly dressed individuals were either constantly on it or would just set it aside to tend to other business and they also looked as though they could easily afford another one.

There was a man sitting on some steps outside of a building going over some paperwork while eating. He left his phone by his side, only picking it up every few minutes but was immensely engrossed in whatever documents he was holding to really notice his phone. He needed to get a view of the password before he could extract it from the man’s possession before casually strolling away to be unsuspected by people passing by.

_Ding ding ding!_

The man waited a moment before picking up his phone and the soldier seized the opportunity to glance at where his fingers were pressing against the screen. 4345. The man uneasily looked up at the dirty soldier standing in front of him.

“Can I help you?” he asked with a slight tinge of annoyance.

The Soldier thought fast, “Do you have the time?”

The man sighed as if it was such a burden of a question before saying, “Nearly eleven fifteen.”

He immediately went back to his phone paying no attention to Bucky. The Soldier took this to his advantage and walked up the steps to wait until the man was no longer looking. He waited about fifteen minutes before a crowd of people came from the building, early lunch breaks were starting. As the masses entered and exited the building, the business man watched carefully over his papers in an effort to keep them from flying away as Bucky fell into line with a crowd descending down the stairs. He crouched down a little as if he was going to tie his shoe and reached down to the next step to grab the phone before getting back into the crowd.

Walk don’t run. One of the number one ways to a clean getaway from petty theft and blending into crowds. He waited until he was a good block away until he even pulled it out and tried for the password. The oil patterns on the phone confirmed the numbers he saw earlier, 4345.

The screen opened to pages of tiny little squares that were all different colored and labeled. How did this work? Which one got him to the internet? He must’ve opened nearly twenty squares before he found one that actually seemed promising for searching information.

He typed “Bucky Barnes” and clicked the top link.

 

_The page you were looking for has been removed by its owner._

 

Damn. He waited too long and now they’re being retracted, of course they are. He tried a few more like “HYDRA,” “SHIELD,” and “The Winter Soldier” and they all pulled up the same error page. This was promising because that means his identity might be concealed a bit longer from the public. He continued trying other links and sometimes they would give a brief summary of what an organization was or a vague description of a person but nothing he didn’t already know. Even the images were being removed.

Guess the government is really good at trying to hide what they want to. He was sure if he had an actual computer as opposed to this small mobile device that he could get a few more answers, especially because he knew how to work those and get information from them thanks to HYDRA. Bucky crunched the phone in his left hand and discarded it into an alley he passed.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky was slowly starting to miss MRE’s because he was constantly needing to refuel and he had limited money. His metabolism burned remarkably faster than the average man and he was never out of cryofreeze long enough to really know how much he would need to eat on a daily basis because he was just always supplied with those condensed meals. He was never really given real food outside of that so he was constantly in hunt for food it seemed in this city.

There was a gas station around the corner he could stop at and purchase a few things while pocketing a few others. Something caught his eye as he made his way to the back of the store, he turned towards a shelf filled with phones. All the labels read they were “contract free” and “pay as you go.” He grabbed one of the boxes to read up on further details, he didn’t need any personal information in order to get one of these and it had internet access. He didn’t need to call or text anyone but just the fact he could get on the internet was huge.

He checked the prices and he could honestly afford these on a regular basis. One promising thing about these phones is he could easily dispose of them to help keep from tracking and he could readily get a new one whenever he wished at any store. The Soldier grabbed a phone and an activation card before grabbing his water, little bits of food and a sandwich and heading to the counter to purchase them.

Slowly he was feeling more like a normal civilian.

Slowly.

“Normal” was a bit of a stretch, he still had to be careful about not exposing his left arm and not being in public too long. He was constantly hyper aware of his surroundings and kept his knives on the ready at all times.

He probably should start looking for more promising places to sleep. There were buildings dedicated to the homeless in the city but something in his gut told him that was not a smart move. For whatever reason he feels he’s made that mistake before. He could worry about that later, for now he needed to do a bit of refueling.

After walking a couple of blocks away from the store he just shoplifted from he settled against the side of a building that was outside of a small construction site. Having his back against something solid made him feel a bit more at ease because no one could sneak up behind him since he no longer had anyone covering him. The street was a mess, it looked as if multiple car wrecks had happened recently and Bucky was beginning to wonder if he had anything to do with it. At this point any bit of destruction over the last seventy years could’ve been his work.

That thought was horrifying. What all had he been responsible for? Just how many lives had he taken? How many cities had he destroyed?

The Soldier observed the people around him walking through the streets, talking on their cell phones, driving down the road, waiting around for the bus. None of these people knew who he was. None of these people knew what he was capable of. None of these people knew he wasn’t even supposed to be alive...

 

_The Soldier was slowly coming back to consciousness but hadn’t quite woken fully yet._

_“I have received some intriguing news.” Zola said as he stretched a pair of latex gloves over his small hands. “Sergeant Barnes was actually best friends with Captain Steve Rogers.”_

_“Sir, won’t that complicate things? What if Rogers recognizes him? We’re not sure how the memory wipe will work if he’s triggered.”_

_“That will not be a problem. The Captain is dead.” The Doctor smirked as he approached the Soldier. “Besides, I have a brilliant solution to keeping our own super soldier here.”_

_“Don’t you think prolonged exposure to cryofreeze could have some effects on his abilities or all the work we’ve done here?”_

_“You have so little faith!” The Doctor said almost amused at his coworker’s uncertainty. “The cryofreeze shall preserve his body and his mind. We will be able to keep this soldier in top condition for a very long time for he holds the gift we need to shape the world!”_

The Soldier jolted awake with his knife in hand and quickly analyzed his surroundings. He was in an alley, no one in view from either side of him. When did he fall asleep? How long had he been out? He looked up, no one was on the rooftops above or in any windows looking out. The sky was dark now. His chest was still heaving as his heart tried to break free of his rib cage.

_Focus on breathing,_ he told himself as he closed his eyes, _inhale, one, two, three, four, exhale, repeat._

_Inhale, one, two, three, four, exhale, repeat._

_Inhale, one, two, three, four, exhale…_

The Soldier’s heart seemed to have returned to its usual pulse as his muscles relaxed but he kept his eyes closed for a few moments longer. He welcomed the dark the back of his eyelids brought him, anything was better than the pictures in his mind. The Soldier just needed to focus on that, absolutely nothing. Clear his mind.

_Clang!_

The sound of glass hitting the bottom of a trash can and shuffling of the can’s contents disturbed the Soldier’s meditation. The grip on his knife tightened as his eyes immediately shifted to the direction of the clamoring. He slowly rose to follow the sound only to find a dog head first in a trash can and a wagging tail. The Soldier let out a small sigh as he turned back around to return back to where he left his bag.

He needed to eat anyway, might as well join the dog. The Soldier reached into his backpack and pulled out the leftover sandwich he snagged earlier from the gas station. The dog slowly peeked out from behind the dumpster and sniffed the air hoping the Soldier had food. Bucky looked down at the half eaten sandwich in his hand and back up at the dog. The dog laid down immediately after making eye contact with the soldier but continued to sniff. Maybe he would respond better to vocal encouragement.

“Hey,” Bucky said softly and the dog’s eyes widened. “Hey, come here.”

The dog sneezed but remained in his spot behind the dumpster. Bucky tore off a piece and lightly tossed it between himself and the dog. The dog hesitated before sticking his head out for a better look at what was just offered to him.

“Go on,” Bucky lightly urged him.

Slowly the dog stood up and inched towards the small bit of food he had tossed to him before eating it and Bucky couldn’t help the small sense of accomplishment he had in gaining the dogs minor bit of trust as he wagged his tail while chewing. He tore off another piece of his sandwich and extended his right hand towards the dog.

Sure enough the dog timidly approached Bucky’s offering before snatching it and trotting away back to a comfortable distance causing a small wave of disappointment flowed through Bucky. Once the dog finished chewing, he looked back over at Bucky hopefully.

Bucky knew his body needed to eat but he could always find more food, this dog on the other hand wasn’t so sure. He was already getting thin for a dog of his size. Bucky repositioned himself so his legs were crossed and his hands were neatly rested upon his legs with his leftover food sitting in his open hands, an invitation for the dog to come closer if he really wanted it. He wasn’t sure why he was so determined to get this dog to come over to him, he hadn’t owned a dog in the entire life he could remember.

The dog knew nothing of him except the fact this man had food and wasn’t attacking him. It was a “clean slate” so to speak. Maybe Bucky wasn’t as bad as HYDRA made him out to be.

The dog stared at Bucky then down at the food for a minute before lowering his head and slowly walking towards the leftover piece of food. He took a moment to just sniff it and make sure the Soldier wouldn’t take it back before slowly taking it in his mouth. Bucky felt a small piece of pride grow within him.

When the dog finished chewing, he looked up at Bucky hoping he had some more food left over.

“Sorry, pal, that’s all I have.” he said softly as he reached his right hand out for the dog to examine. The dog sniffed the empty hand before turning his head away from it but didn’t walk away. Curious, Bucky reached a little further to stroke the dog’s neck and to his dismay the dog flinched away.

The Soldier’s furrowed in disappointment as he dropped his hand back onto his lap and hung his head. Even this stray mutt knew what he was capable of and he hadn’t even been around for five minutes. Bucky let out a sigh.

The dog stepped towards Bucky once more and stuck his head out a little to sniff the air. Bucky noticed and responded by raised his right arm towards the dog palm up to try closing the space between them. The dog stepped close enough this time that he could feel his wet nose press against his skin before sneezing. Bucky took this chance to try petting the dog’s neck again and to his surprise, the dog leaned in towards it.

Before he knew it the dog was nestling up against his side and rested his head on Bucky’s leg. He could feel one side of his mouth tugging up for a small grin, he hadn’t felt this way in a long time.

The dog quickly fell asleep by Bucky’s side but the Soldier didn’t have that kind of luck. Stroking the dog’s fur, having a living breathing creature so close to his side in its most vulnerable form and it still trusted Bucky not to kill it was an out of body experience. This dog was weak, probably been on the streets for a long time now, much longer than Bucky had been. This dog has probably seen some horrible things based off the matting of his fur and the little scabs healing around his body.

No collar, no home, no pack.

“Me too, bud.” Bucky mumbled to himself as he rested his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes.

He wasn’t quite sure why he kept calling the dog those little names, they seemed to just flow naturally when he decided he wanted to coax the dog over. From what he heard on the streets around him, those weren’t exactly words people threw around as often anymore. Generally more crude things were shouted to another. Maybe it was something ingrained in him from his former life. Maybe whoever he was before hasn’t disappeared completely.

Once the commotion of the early workers entering the streets started, the dog removed himself from the Soldier’s side. Bucky would be lying if he tried to convince himself he wasn’t slightly offended but the dog turned to lick him a few more times before trotting away to the next best food source.

No attachments.

“Me too, bud,” Bucky muttered to himself once more before deciding to get his day started as well.

He caught a reflection of himself in a shop window as he was walking and noticed his face had gotten quite hairy and was beginning to itch. It goes a long way for disguising him but it wasn’t something he was comfortable with. He needed to shave soon but he was hoping to do that along side a shower. A shower wasn’t vital, he could easily just wash using a sink in a public bathroom. He’s gone longer on missions without showering than he has in this city. How long had it been since his last one? He’s only been on his own for maybe a week? Was it longer?

DC was such an interesting place to be stuck in. He could always go anywhere but he couldn’t bring himself to leave yet. Something told him that he needed to stay a bit longer. There were so many resources he had access to and he could easily be just another face in a crowd here. This town was full of tourists so no one would see him very long at all, not that anyone was paying attention to him anyway. Sometimes if he slept on the street people would leave money by him. People were so strange. They had no idea they were funding an ex-HYDRA assassin to live in their nation’s capital while he robbed stores and ATMs.

He felt like he wasn’t really accomplishing anything anymore, the flashbacks were slowing aside from dreams but even then those seemed to just repeat themselves and he was nowhere closer to finding who he was. It was a foreign feeling going so long without a mission and being able to roam wherever he wanted.

He wandered up and down the streets of DC in an effort to find something to spark his memory or an idea of where to go. Being a free man seemed like so much work sometimes but that’s when it hit him.

Captain America. He was the key.

It was decided; he needed to see the Captain America exhibit in the Smithsonian.

Admission to the museum was something Bucky didn’t mind paying for, that and there was no real reason for him to try using his skill set to sneak into a museum. Also if he really wanted to change and blend, he needed to try being more civil. There was the slight hiccup of the metal detector as people entered the exhibit. He should be fine but he would have to hide his knives.

The scientists underground really knew what they were doing when continually upgrading his arm as technology progressed. They always thought ahead which was unfortunate for them now for they have equipped him with the ability to go completely undetected from the world like a ghost.

Electromagnets were planted in his prosthetic limb to help through off the new age of metal detectors even though HYDRA has their own jets, planes, cars, ships, and trains of their own, it was an extra pro caution while infiltrating enemy bases. Silently shaping history went a lot smoother when every alarm was casting a spotlight (sometimes literally) on the secret sniper.

He noticed a bathroom off to the side of the lobby, perfect. He went in, it was multi-stalled but that shouldn’t be an issue. The ceiling was composed of easy to move tiles, his backpack was light enough that the flimsy tiles could support it and he could just leave it up there until he was ready to retrieve them before he left. The Soldier probably needed to make this visit quick because surely a security guard would notice a strange bearded man entering the restroom with a bag and leaving without it. In DC, that is not something to be ignored but hopefully more focus was on the entrance and the metal detectors so he would be free to roam throughout the exhibit.

Children ran rapid throughout the displays of military equipment, parents called out to their children, the narrative voices over the exhibits, music played overhead, all of it was nearly chaotic especially when everywhere he turned he saw Captain America’s face. He needed to focus, he was on a self appointed mission. He’s been in more chaotic situations before but this one felt more like a threat to his state of mind than to his physical well being.

He turned a corner into another part of the exhibit only to find his own face painted on the wall with a few other men with Captain America in the middle. He had shorter hair but he was positive it was him. Leading up to that wall were little displays with faces of Captain America, scientists who contributed and men who fought alongside him. All of it seemed so foreign yet familiar. He slowly walked through looking at the biographies and short looped videos of soldiers in action or hanging out showing their comradery.

As he made his way closer to the wall display, the relationships to Captain America seemed to grow stronger. He froze when he found his own face. This is it. This is him. This is who he was. He tried to focus on breathing before he allowed himself to read what was said about him.

 

_Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country._

 

The Soldier’s eyes froze on the video of Captain America and Bucky Barnes laughing together.

Best friends.

_“Bucky?”_

_“Who the hell is Bucky?”_

Pierce ordered Bucky to assassinate his best friend. Why would he do that? He must’ve known The Man would recognize Bucky? The Winter Soldier was called to deal with the Super Soldier because the Winter Soldier was believed to have the gift of shaping mankind.

 

_“You know me.”_

 

No one knows who the Winter Soldier is. He is HYDRA’s secret weapon.

 

_“You’ve known me your entire life.”_

 

The Winter Soldier is a ghost story.

 

_“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes.”_

 

No one is supposed to know who the Soldier is. He is an assassin.

 

_“I’m not going to fight you. You’re my friend.”_

 

The Winter Soldier.

But he was not the Winter Soldier. He was James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes.


	6. Chapter 6

He needed to stay in DC. He _needed_ to. He had to talk to Steve, he was the only one that had been telling the truth the entire time. If he was going to stay here, he needed to find a little more permanent location and not just the alley ways and parks he’s been occupying. He could always observe apartments, wait for patterns and just inhabit some while no one is home. Why go through all that trouble when he could just break into an empty unused one?

What part of town though? The outskirts would be less populated and less competition meaning there would be longer times he could stay in apartments before someone possibly rented the space. That also meant less security, which Bucky wasn’t sure he was willing to give up. Yes, it posed a possible threat to him but that also meant HYDRAs men would keep away a while longer. If he kept his head down, none of the US would be after him in DC of all places because it was a stupid idea to stay there.

He should try staying close to Steve’s building. He could get over fast if he ever needed to or if he just couldn’t sleep then maybe just knowing his former childhood best friend was around the corner might help him remember there was a possibility at healing his mind. This might also provide him with more breakthroughs and maybe even give him the courage to talk to him. The only question is where the hell does Captain America live?

Unfortunately his mind had been wiped of that information, he was sure he once knew where the Captain lived but he couldn’t remember for the life of him. Perhaps wandering around scouting other buildings will subconsciously bring him where he wanted if he focused on it hard enough.

It was the afternoon, he had only a handful of hours left before the sun started to set so he needed to start hunting for buildings as soon as he could. Apartment buildings and condos seemed to be randomly spread throughout the entire city so he immediately approached the first one he found.

He looked through the window but noticed the locks were wrong. He would have to just break the glass for this window which would draw attention to himself so he had to move on to another building. No big deal, he suspected he would have to go through a few buildings before he found the right one. It took six buildings before he found something promising actually.

The Soldier scanned the room from the fire escape before using a knife to unlock the window. He could’ve easily just slid the window open breaking the lock in the process but he wanted to inflict as little property damage as possible since he was just borrowing the space for the time being. Changing his ways, trying to actually take other people’s property into consideration but also if someone inspected the room while he was out and noticed a broken window lock then it would be obvious someone was using the room.

This was an older building but it felt more right to the Soldier. He didn’t want the extra security measures most buildings had and this was probably one of the less expensive dwelling places so questionable looking people were constantly around, he would blend right in.

Now that the room was settled, he needed to get some electricity wired to it. Of course they don’t just leave vacant rooms with full utilities, that would be a waste. Should be some simple flicks and plugs in the main breaker. He tested the sink and water still flowed from it, just his luck. It was possible the complex just hadn’t gotten around to it or the building always had water running but it would be cold until he got the electricity going. No big deal.

He would manage for the night without it, he just needed to sleep for now.

 

_It was cold. Bucky could feel his hair blowing in the cold white wind. Where was he? Snow. Lots of snow. He was moving._

_He looked up to see he was hanging to a side rail of a broken train carriage but the whistling winter wind blew away the sound of the commotion going on above him. Below him was miles of snowy jagged rocks ending with a frozen river. Was he in the mountains?_

_The wind whispered his name as he tried inching his slowly freezing hands on the icy cold rail towards the gaping hole in the train, with his strength and skill this shouldn’t be a hard task but the wind resistance and his exposed hands made things difficult. Nature knew no mercy here._

_The wind whispered his name again but this time a man appeared on the side of the cart. Bucky knew him. Captain Steve Rogers? The Captain moved his mouth and stretched his arm out to Bucky but the Soldier couldn’t hear over the white wind and train tracking through its course. Bucky reached out to him and he called out to the Soldier once more before Bucky felt his body drop a little and his heart sank even lower._

_No._

_Bucky looked up and Steve is wide eyed as he tries to extend his arm further before the rail gives out on him all together. Captain calls to Bucky as he could feel himself beginning his descent down to the depths of the mountains._

_Thank God it wasn’t Steve._

 

The Soldier woke up in a sweat and panting. He immediately observed his surroundings.

Carpet beneath him. Blanket over his legs. Four walls around him only lit by small sliver of light from behind the blanket he placed over the window. Metal arm…

He jumped to his feet to peek around the makeshift curtain he made to see only the city outside. No snow. Natural moon light and stars. People walked below on the sidewalks as if nothing was wrong with the world. A sigh escaped his lips as his breathing became more regular before checking the rest of the vacant apartment he was occupying.

Closet: empty.

Hall: clear.

Bathroom: empty

Cabinets: empty.

Fridge: as empty as he left.

Front door: locked.

He’s lasted this long going undetected by the world but he didn’t want to let his guard down. That’s when people start making mistakes. He was now fully awake. He never liked trying to sleep after dreams like that.

He quickly took out a notebook and jotted down everything he could remember from the dream. This one felt like it was a memory but he couldn’t be sure. Maybe one day all of these things will make sense to him, but until then he would continue to document it.

In order to continue on with his day, he needed to once again fill his what seemed to be never ending stomach. How did Captain America deal with this constant hunger? MRE’s were probably readily accessible to him along with the best protein supplements and more food than he could ever need.

The Soldier grabbed his money and phone before he exited through the window. He didn’t plan on being out too long so he didn’t need all of his supplies, that was what home base was for anyway. He walked down the street in hopes of finding an open store which was a little frustrating since most shops were closed at this hour. He checked his phone, it was nearly five am. Based off most of the store hours posted around, it was mostly donut and coffee shops that would be open soon which would be very packed since this city appeared to have many early workers in it since the streets were getting increasingly more crowded on his way to the store.

While crossing the street he noticed a gas station was turning on its store lights and unlocking the door so unfortunately he would be stuck with overpriced food but at least he would be getting fresh at this hour. He made his way in and stopped in the aisle with the microwavable food. The apartment he was staying in now had this technology, he just needed to wire electricity to it but now he had more options for food.

In order to get electricity to his room, he needed to actually know his room number. Once he crept his way back up to his window and dropped off his new food supplies, he checked the peep hole for any neighbors in the hallway before opening the front door to check the room number. No one was up at this hour so he took advantage of this and wandered down the hall to find the breaker switches. Any lock was no match for his cybernetic arm and luckily there were no cameras in the hallway. Good thing he didn’t decide to crash hotel rooms first.  

He found his room number and flicked the switch before swiftly heading back to his base. Looking around at the empty living room in front of him now gave him a little sense of pride, this was his place he got all on his own for the time being. It may be illegal but it was his place free of anyone to tell him what to do.

While letting the faint foreign feeling of home settle, he grabbed his food and placed the cold stuff in the fridge and began to read over the instructions for preparation of the new food items. It instructed him to place the dish covered in the microwave for about two minutes before taking it out, stirring and placing it back in for an additional minute. The Soldier grabbed a metal fork he took from a restaurant he passed earlier in the week that was wrapped in a napkin to stir it. Upon placing it back in the microwave for the extra minute, the food began sparking and smoking and the Soldier immediately stopped it while being very careful not to rip the entire front end off.

“Come on,” Bucky mumbled to himself as he pulled the smoking plate from the microwave. “I have more advanced technology in my pinky finger and I can’t figure this machine out.”

So much for stealthy super soldier. Surely this wouldn’t go unnoticed by the owner of the building if anyone were to come by and inspect the apartment. He quickly opened the windows around the apartment to help vent out the smoke to prevent the alarm from going off and to get just the smell out. He sighed as he sat up on the counter and pulled out his phone to google “why is my microwave smoking?”

It appeared to work earlier when he heated food earlier, so there shouldn’t be an internal issue. He scrolled through and saw a few previews saying no metal objects were supposed to go in the microwave. The silverware is what messed it up, great.

As strange as common technology is today, it definitely could be useful. Bucky was extremely grateful for google because then he didn’t have to actually talk to people to figure out “normal” things in this time period. He was a super soldier of superior intelligence, strength, agility and skill and yet he was still stumped by things like kitchen appliances.

The smell could possibly alert neighbors of someone occupying the apartment so Bucky needed to get out for a while just in case someone checked in. He packed up his belongings so no trace of him was left in the room aside from the smell of a burnt microwave but that would fade. Next time he’ll be more cautious because part of the reason he wanted to bunker down was so he wouldn’t be dragged down by all his supplies.

He could use this as a learning experience about being more cautious when using new technology. Hiding out in foreign countries in harsh weather conditions? Easy. Not destroying the current home base with a simple eating utensil? Apparently was too much for the Winter Soldier.

To kill time, Bucky dropped off his supplies in a public restroom hiding it in the ceiling once more before he went on a run. He needed to stay in top shape in order to keep hiding from HYDRA and SHIELD remnants. Once he got back to home base he could do more little exercises like push ups and such, but his cardiovascular shape and endurance was very important.

Bucky found himself on a side of town he hadn’t been on since he can remember but it felt familiar to him. Had it been a long time since he had been here? Possibly right before the last wipe? He wasn’t completely sure. He was sure that he had been there before though, possibly on a mission. He looked at the surrounding buildings before he found the one he could scale to get the best view.

Best view of what? He couldn’t remember all the details but he was sure he was in this area for a mission once. He still couldn’t shake how strange of a feeling it was to be doing things like this not under orders of someone else. He had no weapons aside from just a few little knives on him tucked away in his modern civilian clothing.

Once he reached the roof he just stared at the neighboring buildings hoping for a sign or a flash of familiarity that would lead him in the right direction. Lately he was beginning to feel like a savage just going off gut instinct alone when it came to things like this. This city was nothing but apartments and business buildings. What was he even looking for?

He just stood up on the roof taking in the nice breeze and the city below. Lots of taxi’s and black cars driving around significant people to their important plans for the night. Girls loudly giggling while entering and exiting cars pulled off to the side of the road. Couples walking together hand in hand to their dinner plans. Buses pouring out people onto the pavement as they took in more.

A motorcycle rumbled in the distance down the street and peaked the Soldier’s interest. There were thousands of cars in the streets but this motorcycle was what he needed to be hunting for. As it approached it began to slow to turn into a nearby garage. Bucky immediately noticed it was a man driving it, probably a little over 6 feet, well built he believed based off his shoulder to hip ratio but the leather jacket made it hard to tell completely at this distance.

He would lose the man if he didn’t get off the roof now but his gut told him to stay put. A few minutes pass when the motorcyclist emerged from the garage and headed towards the apartment building next door. Bucky leaned forward and squinted to get a clearer picture of this guy when the Man stopped and looked up.

The Soldier quickly retreated a bit but knew too much movement in a location like this would only draw attention to himself, he needed to look like someone who belonged on this roof. The Man stood there surveying the roof tops but his back remained towards Bucky.

 _This would be a grave mistake if I was hunting you,_ The Soldier thought to himself.

 _No,_ Bucky shook the thought from his head. _Get that out of your head. Why would you even..?_

At that moment The Man finally turned towards him and Bucky understood why his mind brought him here. It was The Man from the bridge. The Man from the museum. From the ship. From the back of his mind. Captain Steve Rogers.

The Man turned to go inside leaving Bucky… What was this? He just wanted to talk to him and just be around him? His apartment must be facing this side of the building because why else would his mind have told him to come to this specific spot? This would be so much easier if he had his scope on him.

 _Damn, should’ve followed him,_ Bucky thought to himself when a few minutes passed without so much as a new light coming on.

Something told him to come here and stand in this spot and wait. He’s waited longer for targets.

_Stop._

A light came on a few floors up and Bucky froze waiting with baited breath as he waited for the Captain to come into view. He entered his own apartment solemnly. He removed his leather jacket and draped it carefully over a chair before placing his hands on his hips with a sigh. _Must’ve been a long day._ He ran his hands through his hair as he made his way over to the other side of the hallway, probably a living room.

_Was he coming back?_

From there he made his way back to the window Bucky was currently looking into and slid it open before resting his arms on the sill to gaze outside. The light DC breeze carried the sound of music from Captain America’s room to Bucky’s rooftop.

 

_“Come on, Steve! You can’t say no to dancing every single time!” Bucky heard himself say._

_“Buck, you know I don’t dance.” A frail blond boy said with his head down and his hands stuffed deep into his pockets._

_“I know you don’t, that’s why I keep trying to take you!” Bucky smiled while wrapping his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “Come on! Girls love it! See I met this girl and she has a friend-”_

_“Really, Buck, it’s ok. I’ll go to the movies or out with you on your double dates but…” The boy shrugged before mumbling. “I don’t even know how to dance.”_

_“I could teach you! Or we all could teach you tonight.” Bucky pleaded._

_The boy smiled at his persistence, “Thanks, Buck, but I think I’ll go ahead and stay home.”_

_Bucky could tell the boy was really put out that he couldn’t go out so Bucky improvised, “How about we go to the movies instead? Would you want to go do that?”_

_The boy let out a chuckle as he finally looked up at Bucky, “Sure.”_

_That face. That was The Man. Captain Steve Rogers._

 

How long had he been standing at this roof top? Captain Rogers’ lights were off in his apartment and the window was now closed. Bucky looked down from the roof to see most of the street life had slowed and turned in for the night as well.

There was no way he blacked out that long. The Soldier couldn’t afford to be a prisoner to his flashbacks like this, it could cost him his life or cover one day. He’s never blacked out before. Had he not been sleeping? Was his body trying to prevent him from remembering more?

He needed to get back to home base.

 


End file.
